BE
by april09-TW
Summary: Alice foresees Bella in Edward's life, Edward tries to stay away. But, what prompts him to go to her more than a year before she is supposed to move to Forks? And, what happens when she decides to stay in Phoenix? AU, a 'what if' canon type story.
1. Chapter 1: HELLO

**Summary: **Random moments between Bella and Edward. Alice foresees Bella in Edward's life, Edward tries to stay away. But, what prompts him to go to her more than a year before she is supposed to move to Forks? And, what happens when she decides to stay in Phoenix? AU, a 'what if' canon type story, star-crossed lovers or meant to be?

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight, the rest of this is my original work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
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><p><strong>Chapter One: HELLO<strong>

The fog is so thick that I have difficulty seeing clearly. It is one of those days where it has its own personality, its own life force, its own arms cradling you as you attempt to walk or drive through it. Except instead of cradling, the arms creep out in thin wisps, extending endlessly, and wrapping around your neck silently.

I thought I was in the heat of the Arizona desert, but the swaying and rhythmic clicking of the train soldiering on the tracks have lulled me to sleep. Lulled me into feeling safe. Instead, my dreams are invaded by the cold grayness and intense vibrant green of my childhood home, where my dad still lives.

The fog simmers and congeals until it condenses to a foam-like substance. Ironically it mirrors the shaving cream I used this morning to ensure bathing suit readiness for my California vacation with my dad. Just as I reach out to smear it across a steam-filled mirror, it disappears.

The cool eeriness of my dream invades my other senses. I smell moss and evergreens and the dampness of the dirt that surrounds the woods near Charlie's house. Firewood burning amongst the sea air. The sea stacks at First Beach and Rialto act as sentries, dark textured shadows against the thickened atmosphere.

And then…there is a stillness, and a sudden quieting of the train wheels and my rapidly beating heart. There is only cold, cold coldness draping and cinching around me, holding me close. The icy arms encircle my body, my life, my heart, and then I am dead.

-0-

I flip through the pages of my book, glancing at my watch one last time, then at the train schedule. We are running on time, and I will arrive in LA just before ten in the morning, just as scheduled. Just in time for my dad to pick me up after getting his rental car from the airport.

The heat from the desert is still strong; I can feel it seeping through the double paned windows, despite the fact that the air conditioning is on. The summer sun has just started its slow descent and its warmth will last several hours after it disappears.

My train car is empty. I purposely walked through several cars after getting on in Phoenix until I found one with the least amount of people in it.

Two guys board at the next station and though they look nothing alike, they look like brothers to me. I sneak peeks at them while pretending to be engrossed in my book. The older one has short curly, dark hair and he's on to my game. He peers over towards the back of the train car and smiles at me knowingly, one dimple on each cheek completing the look. His brother, or friend, looks everywhere _except_ at me and leads them towards the other end of the car. His hair is lighter, a sort of brown, almost red, not quite auburn color and stands on end without the stiff look of too much gel or mousse.

I like that they are sitting ahead of me so that I can…observe. They seem to be sitting silently, though once in a while the…bronze-haired (_Is that a color?)_ one looks up from the book he's reading to say something to the bigger one. It is out of the blue, as if he's answering an unspoken question.

That question might be '_Where are our bags?_' because he scowls at his older brother and, I notice, they have no bags with them. The younger one has a paperback book that he doesn't seem to be actually reading, just staring at the pages, and the older one drums his fingers on his jeans almost absent-mindedly. Once in a while he checks his phone for text messages but doesn't appear to text back.

Like my bronze-haired neighbor—it seems wrong to call him a _ginger_ because his strands aren't really red _per se_—I am reading or not reading the same paragraph over and over again.

Less than an hour after they board, the older one turns almost gracefully out of his seat and heads determinedly in my direction. I quickly shift my eyes down to my book but can still see him from my periphery. When he shakes his head in a knowing look at me, I give up and wiggle my fingers in a wave. He's clearly coming over to talk to me anyway.

"I'm head to the chow car," he says. "Care for anything?"

I shake my head and manage to squeak "No, thank you," my voice an embarrassingly high tone from disuse.

"Aw. Come on—it's midnight. Time for a snack." He glances back at his brother as he says this with a sort of mischievous smile. "Emmett Cullen, by the way."

"Bella Swan."

"Yes. Bella," he pauses as if he's almost…familiar with me. Then he tilts his head back towards where he was sitting. "That's my brother, Edward, over there."

Edward. _Edward_ Cullen. His name seems to fit him. He turns his head and nods at me quickly as his brother sort of introduces him, then returns his attention quickly back to the book I know he _isn't_ reading.

"He's a little shy," Emmett says, dimples showing, then makes his way to the train door behind me. "I'll get you a hot chocolate," he adds decisively, leaving me alone with my book again. And Edward.

_Shy or standoffish_? Hard to tell. I wouldn't have started talking to other passengers either.

Eventually I give up staring at the back of Edward's head, and I get up and stretch before walking towards his end of the train. Emmett is taking a long time at the dining car, and I can't help but wonder if the other passengers had the same idea for a midnight snack.

"What are you _not_ reading?" I ask Edward as I slide into the chair opposite him. He and his brother are sitting in the section of seats that face each other, two and two surrounding a makeshift table.

"Pardon?" He raises his light brown, almost ocher-colored eyes to me and seems to be focusing on something.

I shrug and hold up my book, "I'm _not_ reading _The House on Mango Street_."

"I've read that."

"So have I. But not a word tonight," I smile.

His lips twitch up in a semi-smile in return. In understanding. "I'm not reading John Steinbeck. Not a word since getting on the train. Or, the same fifty-seven words over and over again, to be precise."

"I've read that."

"So have I." We copy each other's words and smile.

"So, where are you and your brother headed?" I ask, wanting to prolong the conversation.

He doesn't answer right away. Instead, he almost seems to frown then look around as if he's searching for Emmett. After an awkward amount of time passes, he mutters, "Nowhere in particular."

"You just happen to be riding _this_ train?"

"Yes."

"We're visiting colleges," Emmett clarifies as he rejoins us. His arms are filled with several packages of chips, a drink carrier, and aluminum covered hot dogs. "For me. Edward's just keeping me company…he'd rather not go to college in such a sunny area." He lines up the food in front of us, handing me my hot chocolate. "The grill was closed but I convinced them to make us some dogs."

"Thanks," I say, gathering the food gratefully. "How much do I owe you?" I ask as Edward mutters his own gratitude, though he sounds a bit off.

"Nothing," they both answer simultaneously.

I tear back the aluminum off one of the hot dogs and grin at what I find. "The works? How did you know?"

Emmett grins back at me and opens up his own package after he watches me hesitate to take a bite. He stares pointedly at Edward who makes a face at the food in front of us and then opens up a bottle of orange juice instead.

A few minutes pass and I realize that Emmett has finished his food and is tossing chips into the drink holder in front of him. Amazingly he doesn't miss a single shot. Edward, on the other hand, puts down his juice after finishing it all in one swig. Emmett tosses him a hot dog, but he sets it down decisively. "I'm not hungry," he says, sounding slightly annoyed.

I stare at him a moment, slightly embarrassed that I'm eating so much. I hadn't realized how hungry _I_ was. "Actually, you're looking kind of pale," I say to Edward. And, he does. The fluorescent lights of the train, even in their 'dim' mode for nighttime don't flatter anyone, even someone as handsome as Edward. But he looks _wrong_ somehow.

Emmett pauses his chip-basketball game at my statement and turns to get a better look at his brother. "You _do_ look pale, bro. Feeling sick?"

Edward seems to glare at him for some reason, then stands up suddenly and walks quickly to the train's bathroom. "Must be motion sickness," Emmett shrugs, not too concerned.

After Edward returns from the train's bathroom looking still pale but better, Emmett saunters over to the back of the car and returns with my bag in tow. "You're staying up here, right?"

I nod slowly. After dropping off my bag, instead of sitting back down at the table with us, he backtracks several rows and then stretches somewhat across the two seats. "Well, I'm going to take a nap," he announces. I notice Edward give him a strange look, but he shrugs and closes his eyes.

"Um, maybe I should nap too?" I stand up to sit in the row behind us and, inexplicably Edward follows me.

"Are you actually tired?" he asks.

I look down at my watch and see that it's close to one in the morning. "Not really."

"We could _not_ read together." He smoothly settles into the seat next to me.

"Are you sure? Are you…um, feeling better?"

"Yes, the orange juice wasn't sitting well, but I'm fine now."

We both pretend to read our books until I give in and start doodling on my notebook instead as we chat. Before long we are in the middle of a game of hangman.

"Ascot," he says decisively with a small laugh. "Why would you choose that?"

"You said to start alphabetically," I answer as I fill in the remaining letters. I only managed to stump him long enough to fill in the stickman's head and body along the noose. "Why? Do you need me to tell you what it is?"

"I know what it is, Bella."

"Okay then. Your turn."

He dashes in nine lines and fills in the first letter as "B". "It's a 'gimme'," he shrugs.

I only get as far as "E" for the second letter before I hesitate. I already know the answer. "A little obvious, don't you think?"

"What?" he asks in mock confusion. His forehead scrunches up, making lines, just barely marring the perfection of his face.

"It's my _name_," I say, and I hate it because I blush.

"Actually it's the _meaning_ of your name. Beautiful." He lifts his leg closest to me and tucks it into the seat underneath his other one so he can turn to face me, letting the notebook we're using slip down a bit.

"Whatever," I mumble.

"You are, you know," he says quietly.

I shrug. I've heard it before, although no one has ever made me want to believe it more than him.

We continue through the letter "M" before I start yawning again, chatting in between clues. An hour or so has passed since Emmett fell asleep and I figure I should probably sleep as well.

"I'm getting tired," I say.

"You just don't want to pick another word," Edward teases.

"_Maleficent_ is a valid word."

"It's a proper name. Doesn't count."

"We're not playing Scrabble."

"Still—"

I interrupt him with a wide yawn.

"Okay, you're tired," he changes tactics. "Why don't you nap?" He opens up his book to read and I decide to close my eyes for a little while. I don't really want to waste any of the precious time we have together since we arrive in L.A. early in the morning and then I will part ways with the Cullen brothers.

"Insomnia?" I mumble-ask as my eyes drift.

"Something like that," he murmurs.

The smooth rocking of the train gets the better of me and I feel myself drift slowly, slowly, slowly to my right as my head falls gently on Edward's shoulder and my eyes flutter closed.

It could be minutes later, it could be hours later, but the next thing I know is Edward's arms are around me and I am jolted forward and gasping for air as my eyes adjust rapidly to a state of awakeness. The scent of metal burning is in the air and there is a high-pitched shrieking noise with a final loud boom and a cacophony of screams, including my own.

The train has crashed. More quickly than I would have thought possible, Edward is lifting me up in his arms and weaving through the wreckage as he mutters something, instructions perhaps, to his brother who is all of a sudden right next to us.

There are bright orange and blue flames starting around us, but all I can focus on is Edward's face as he carries me out of the maze of train seats. I can feel that I haven't been injured in the wreck; my state of consciousness is still low, but I feel no pain. I would be more awake if there was pain, wouldn't I?

"Sleep, my love," Edward murmurs. I am more concerned about making sure that he is uninjured as well. In his eyes, I can see the reflection of the orange flames as they dance and leap around us and he finds a way out.

"I've got you, Bella," he reassures me. His eyes show a different kind of pain, not physical. He is not hurt. I breathe a sigh of relief, surprisingly more so for him than for me.

But, I'm not the one who is unbreakable. He is.

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><p><strong>AN: **I started writing this in February, but wanted to have it more complete before posting. You may have seen part of the first few chapters as teasers on ADF. There's an awesome banner by time_lights that I'm hoping to post on my profile page.

This first chapter was inspired partly by a dream, partly by the film, _Unbreakable, _and a lot by _Twilight_ (of course). What inspires you to create?


	2. Chapter 2: BE

**Chapter Two: BE**

The first time I receive a valentine from someone other than my mom is my seventeenth one. At least, this is the first valentine that isn't mandatory—isn't given to each and every one of my other classmates like when we were in grade school.

Mom usually makes me a card, sometimes with a heart-shaped lollipop, sometimes with a gift card for clothes or music. Always with her line of X's and O's before her signature. That's the thing…_this_ valentine lacks a signature, and I have no idea who it is from.

It is a simple small box of conversation hearts, tucked into our mailbox with my name written on it in elegant script. Mom would never give me _these _type of valentine hearts; she prefers the tart type of candy hearts. "Love is bittersweet," she always says. "And candied hearts should reflect that."

_These_ hearts are sweet. I take my time eating them, saving the purple and yellow ones for last since those are my favorite flavors.

The grainy remnants—the _powder_—of the heart-shaped candies leave my skin feeling slightly itchy. I tentatively lick some off one finger then decide to wash my hands. I grab the now empty box of sweethearts and debate whether to throw it out since I'm up anyway. I trace the lettering of my name and the blank line after the 'From' spot and decide to keep it.

As I place the box down on my desk, one last heart shakes loose as if it must have been stuck to one side. The heart is purple and says "BE". Not "BE MINE". Not "BE TRUE". Just "BE".

It's a mistake. A misprint. Part of the lower stamper didn't work properly. And I love it.

The box and the misfit heart end up in the second drawer of my dresser along with my collection of other unique and not-so-unique oddities. Mom and I started it when I was seven or so and someone gave me a half-dollar coin as change. Scattered amongst the drawer are a two-dollar bill, a four-leaf clover, twin gummy bears stuck together, a sprig of a dried edelweiss flower, and now my first Valentine.

I had to convince Renee that the charms of a two-headed snake we saw at a pet store would wear off quickly. Even at ten, I knew that I would be the one who had to take care of Thelma and Louise.

-0-

Mom has a date on Valentine's Day; she's going out with a minor league ball player named Phil and he actually flies in for the holiday to be with her. My mom normally doesn't pay such importance to such trivial and commercial things, but as she twirls around in her scarlet wrap dress, she is giddy as a schoolgirl.

"You sure you don't mind, Bella?" she asks one last time, and I know she means it. She'd cancel her date with Phil if I insisted on our yearly tradition. Instead I'll make popcorn and watch the cheesiest romantic comedies of the year by myself, laughing at the unrealistic plot lines.

I'm nearly done with my fettuccini alfredo, taking the last bite and savoring it when I get pinged to chat from a familiar yet unfamiliar, email address. I left my browser on after chatting with my best friend, Anjalee, and I don't really chat with anyone else online except occasionally him. EMCullen. My heart flutters slightly even though it's his _brother_ I want to be hearing from. His _brother_ who saved my life, yet acts as if I don't exist. Yet, how could I blame him? We are strangers and though Emmett likes to check up on me once in a while, neither of them have any obligation to me. I can't help it if _he_ still invades my dreams after so many months.

"Happy Valentine's Day, lil sis."

"Same to you. Big plans with R?"

"Yup. You?"

"Just hanging with Jake. Fettuccini alfredo. The usual."

"Jake?"

"Jake Ryan. _Sixteen Candles."_

"Classic."

"Yeah. My mom bailed on me so I got out of watching the bad stuff of the year."

"Sounds exciting."

"Yeah. My life's a regular soap opera over here." I paused typing for a moment. "Though…I _did_ get a mystery Valentine today…"

Emmett and I chat for a bit longer before he signs out, citing his Valentine's Day plans with his girlfriend. It's already nine over here so eight where they're at and I wonder if he made a late reservation. Who eats dinner past eight p.m.?

I think back to our first IM encounter, later in the summer after the accident. At first I received an email with the subject line "Friend me?" on it. I'm not on Facebook so I wasn't surprised at the request. What did surprise me was the email address: . Of course I thought—_I hoped_—that it was Edward. It wasn't. Though Emmett did say that Edward asked how I was doing after the accident. Considering we were in the first train car, it was surprising that none of us had any broken bones, much less survived. I had nary a scratch.

Every day after Valentine's Day, for the rest of February, I receive a small box of conversation hearts. Each box has exactly one 'misprint' that is printed in perfect pink letters. Always the same. _BE_.


	3. Chapter 3: MY HERO

******Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight, the rest of this is my original work. No copyright infringement is intended.******

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><p><strong>Chapter 3: MY HERO<strong>

I'm standing with the freezer door open at the Thriftway, trying to recall which flavor is my dad's favorite ice cream when I hear a familiar voice, followed by a crash into my cart.

"Little One," Emmett calls out. "What are you doing here?" I'm engulfed in his arms immediately and after he swings me around like I'm a child and places me back down on the ground, I can see a tall blonde striding purposely towards us with her own cart.

"It's not bumper cars, Em," she admonishes and smiles over to me. "Hello."

"Hi. You must be Rosalie?" I'd seen pictures of Emmett's girlfriend before—well, of the two of them together—but have never met her before. The pictures don't do her justice.

"Yes. You must be Bella."

_How did she know?_

She arches a brow at me. "You're the only person he calls 'Little One'. Nice to meet you. I see you have the same technique as Em for shopping." She motions over to me as I have one arm inside the freezer door, still trying to decide on a flavor. I grab Rocky Road and Chunky Monkey and call it a day, tossing them into the cart.

"Is that why you're so cold?" I ask, recalling his arms as he turned me around. Clearly I have no filter.

They both laugh as Emmett shrugs. I glance back at each of their carts and notice an eclectic mix of items: basics like sugar, salt and flour mixed in with ice cream cones, tortillas and frozen pizzas of the gourmet variety. "Big family, right?" I ask, gesturing to the fact that they each have a cart.

"Yes, but there's always room for one more," Rose adds. "If you want to come by for dinner."

One dinner turns into several lunches and before I know it, I'm spending most of the summer days at the Cullen house while my dad is at work. Most days they cook so much that they send me home with leftovers for Charlie. Mrs. Cullen is always trying out something new and insists on my opinion. Occasionally she lets me and Rosalie join her and we cook together.

-o0o-

"I think I need to remember this," Emmett teases and he looks me up and down as I approach the pool. It's embarrassing even though I know he means nothing by it; after all, he is more brotherly to me than anything and his girlfriend is sitting right next to him on the lounge chair in a miniscule red bikini. I'm in a more modest deep blue one piece, yet his 'eyeing' me makes me blush nonetheless.

"Perv," Rose says and she doesn't look bothered by Emmett's actions at all.

"What? I'm not looking for _me_. It's for Eh—"

"What happened to the two-piece?" Alice interrupts, though we all know whom Em is referring to: the one Cullen I haven't seen since I arrived.

"Um, I thought we were going to swim?"

"You can swim in that," she insists.

I shake my head. Despite Forks being a small town, Alice manages to get a lot of things delivered to their house. This past week most of those packages are new clothes for me. It's endearing, really, and I would almost imagine that she's trying to buy my friendship except she's so sincere and eager about it and we hit it off right away even though we just met. Just like me and Rosalie. Though I suspect the two of them had heard a lot about me from my chats online with Em, it still is a little eerie how well Alice seems to know me. Alice's boyfriend, Jasper, is friendly as well, though he keeps his distance. Most of the past week, I've been spending with Alice, Rose, Em and their mom.

Alice dives gracefully into the pool wearing a retro looking one-piece, despite her complaint about my own. I follow in more tentatively, walking down the steps into the warm water.

"Ooh, it's heated," I say, delighted. A private indoor pool is an extravagance but definitely appreciated since the weather here is less than accommodating, especially compared to Phoenix.

Alice and I swim a few laps side by side until we decide to lazily float on the inflatable pool mattresses. Rose hands me a drink, complete with paper umbrella, and the three of us enjoy non-alcoholic pina coladas. If we weren't indoors, I could almost imagine we are hanging out at the community pool back home.

"You miss your mom," Alice states as if she's reading my mind.

"Yeah. But I'm glad I came here for a bit. Gave them some space."

"She and her new husband still in California?"

"Yup. My dad picked me up there after the wedding…I…I didn't want to take the train here," I pause, unsure why I brought that up in the first place. "Anyway, they'll be headed back next week and it was nice having some extra time with my dad."

My dad and I made a big vacation of our road trip, slowly making our way from San Diego to Anaheim to Los Angeles to Monterey and San Francisco before he had to head back to work.

"Why don't you stay here longer?" Alice presses.

"Yeah, like until school starts?" Rose adds, getting excited.

"I…I don't know about that."

"Why not? We'd have so much fun."

"I'm not sure if my dad—"

"Of course he'd love to have you longer, just ask him."

The truth is that though I miss my mom and my friends back home, it would be nice to give Phil some time to unpack and move in and get settled. By the end of the afternoon, the girls have convinced me. This is how I spend my first summer with the Cullens.

-o0o-

Sometimes I wonder if I should have died that day on the train. If I should be a statistic. If my mom and dad would have set up a roadside memorial next to the other ten people's flowers and teddy bears. If the brothers I met would have survived too, even if I didn't. If I would be a Ghost Bella on the highway. Or train tracks.

My hero stays away from me for most of my summer in Forks. The more time I spend with the Cullens, the more it seems that he is too busy for his family. He travels to Alaska, to Canada, to Brazil, to Paris.

"He's afraid," Rose whispers conspiratorially to me one evening as I'm staring longingly at the sleek grand piano on the other side of the room. I train my eyes back to the paperback novel I am reading even though I know I'm not fooling her.

My hero is afraid of me. Does he regret saving my life? I'll never know.

I drop the book and place it back on the bookshelf in the Cullen library even though I've just started to read it. _The Namesake_. It begins with a train crash, with very few survivors. I can't read any more.

That night I dream of the humming wheels of a train, spinning like clockwork along a smooth expanse of tracks, engine whistling in the distance, rain drumming its own rhythm along its tin roof. It's a symphony of sorts, the mixture of sounds and elements that come together, but it's missing something: the distinct rise and fall of black and ivory piano keys.

The high-pitched shrieking of brakes, metal against metal, marks the cadence of the song, matched only by the suddenness of my screams as I jolt awake in my bedroom in my father's house. The pounding rain continues its tempo along the roof, but I am now wide awake and nothing will lull me back to sleep.

I lean over to turn on the lamp on my nightstand and notice that the sheer lavender curtains are swaying slightly in front of my closed window.

My cheeks are cold, damp from crying in my sleep, I suppose. After all, even though it is storming outside, there aren't any leaks in my ceiling.

I rake one hand through my hair then walk over to my window. For some reason, I am drawn to the spot. The curtains have stopped moving but it is still colder over by the pane and I shiver in my tank top and shorts.

I watch the rain drops gather on the pane for a moment, tiny specks and full drops conglomerating to make patterns, and sliding silently to the bottom of the sill. I trace one path slowly with my index finger, welcoming the coolness.

The pitter-patter drumming is soothing, and yet I know that I won't be able to fall asleep again. Luckily Charlie is on the night shift so I didn't disturb him with my screams. I can't say was much for the other nights I've been here this summer.

I wrap my flannel robe around me and just as I snuggle my legs under the covers and crack open my well-worn copy of _Wuthering Heights_, there is a light tap at my window, likely one of the tree branches brushing up against it.

A minute passes and I immerse myself in the moors, then there is a distinct knock on the pane. I scream, of course.

"Bella?" says a familiar voice, one I've been missing all summer. "Bella, may I come in?"

It's Edward. At my window. After seemingly avoiding me all summer, he's at my window in the middle of the night.

I scramble to the window, staring dumbly for a moment at the vision of my reflection superimposed on his actual person. His hair is plastered to his face and his coat is darker on top, soaking in extra raindrops as I take in the scene. I reach for the latch and the second I do, he breathes a sigh of relief, as if _I _am the one who has been holding him at bay during the six weeks I've been here.

In seconds he is standing next to me and I'm still speechless. No words are coming to me. I haven't seen Edward since the summer before, almost a year ago. He drips on my carpet before taking off his jacket with a request of "May I?" and then places it on my rocking chair after I nod my assent.

Practically before he can turn back around to face me, I am in his arms. He's shocked that I've come closer, as he stiffens in posture before wrapping his arms around me.

"At last," I say, breathing him in, not shivering despite the fact that he's cold. I feel warm, welcome, at home.

After a moment, he steps back and pushes my shoulder gently. "Uh, I'm sorry," I say, but I am not. Maybe slightly embarrassed, but definitely not regretful. "How have you been?" I continue though another question or two may be more obvious. _What are you doing here? Have you been avoiding me?_

Though I'm certain I won't ask the last one as I do realize that not everything is about me.

"Good. You?"

"Better now."

"Couldn't sleep?"

"No…I had a nightmare. Again."

"Oh." He's visibly uncomfortable with my admission.

"You just came back?"

"What?"

"From Europe? Your family said you were in Vienna, I think?"

"Yes. Studying music."

I sit down at the edge of my bed, wondering for a moment if we are being too loud for my dad if he had been home, wondering what he would do if he found Edward, of all people, in my bedroom in the middle of the night. _Edward_, who I haven't seen or mentioned all summer.

We talk into the night, the rain keeping us company and making up for any pauses in the conversation. Eventually we are both lying down, side by side, over my covers and staring up at the ceiling as our conversation continues.

When I start to yawn, he hums a little song and I drift off to sleep. It turns out, I was wrong when I thought that after my nightmare, nothing could lull me back to sleep because his lullaby is the perfect accompaniment to the pounding, pouring rain.

-o0o-

He sits up on the edge of the bed, facing completely away from me, staring out the window. He's still, so still that I wonder for a moment if he's even breathing. His back is bare, his pants loosely hanging off his hips. He takes a deep breath and says quietly, "I don't know what to do anymore."

He doesn't turn to face me and his voice is so quiet that I'm uncertain if he's speaking to me or merely to the air in front of him. I peek around one shoulder and he shifts slightly as he senses my movement, but I still notice that he is gripping his cell phone in one hand.

"Is something wrong?" I ask.

"I have to go." _Of course._

"Yes," I say because I get it, even if I don't. The push and the pull. The struggle Maybe we're just not meant to be.

There is no push or pull for me. _Just pull_.

And maybe there isn't for him either. Maybe he knows something that I do not. Maybe we are over before we started. How many chance meetings can there be?

Once upon a time he saved my life in a train accident. Once upon a time he saved my life. That is all. Maybe that is where our story starts and ends.

"It's my sister," he says.

"Alice?"

"Yes. I'm sorry. She…she needs me."

"Then of course you should go to her." And I mean it. His family is important to him and if Alice was my sister and needed _me_, I would leave too.

"You…you don't understand," he says, turning to face where I am still lying on my side on the bed.

"I do," I insist.

"She…she got herself involved with some bad people. Maybe one day I can explain," he offers, and then faster than I would believe possible, he is completely dressed, kissing me gently on my forehead and saying goodbye. His lips are cool but soft, reassuring. His eyes are full of regret, worry…and something more? Anger, maybe. It's difficult to tell.

It is only a kiss and I haven't really participated, yet it leaves me feeling like I am missing something.

In a moment he is gone and I am by myself once again. Alone, again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: I'm so sorry for the delay in posting this...I'm hoping to update more regularly now. I expect this story to be around 9-10 chapters total.

_The __Namesake_ is by Jhumpa Lahiri.


	4. Chapter 4: ASK ME

**Chapter 4: ASK ME**

**A/N: **I changed the timeline by a year because an event that occurred last chapter was sooner than I thought it would be. The story is more in fitting with canon now, so the train accident in chapter one occurs the summer before B's junior year instead of her sophomore year, and chapter two is her seventeenth Valentine's Day instead. PM me if you're confused or have questions.

**Mini Re-cap**: Edward saves Bella from a train wreck the summer before her junior year, Emmett and Bella become friends, Bella is sent a mystery valentine, Bella spends the following summer in Forks and becomes friends with the Cullens but Edward stays away until one of her last nights there. He abruptly leaves in the early morning after receiving a phone call.

* * *

><p>It's not just Edward who left me that night, but the whole Cullen clan. I spent my last few days in Forks with my dad and I was happy to be able to bond with him, especially as last summer was the longest period of time I had lived with him since he and mom got a divorce when I was two.<p>

When I showed up at the Cullens' house later that day, there was a note left for me on the door in Dr. Cullen's elegant script. He must be the only doc around with legible writing.

_We're sorry, Bella. There's a family emergency. We'll contact you as soon as possible._

Never mind the fact that none of them bothered to call me instead, or that the Cullen who I knew the least left me a note. At the time, I let it slide because I knew that there was something wrong involving Alice. _Alice_, who I loved like my own sister.

I went back to Phoenix. I called Alice and Rose. I called Emmett. I emailed them. I even got the courage to call Edward. I heard nothing for weeks.

Eventually, I receive a short but cryptic email from EMCullen. Emmett, of course.

_Little One,_

_I'm sorry if you've been worried. We are all fine now, even Alice. I wish I could explain but it's not my place._

_-Em_

After spending the entire summer with their family, I am still an outsider.

-o0o-

Anjalee and I sift through mountains of college applications, most of which are for me. Her family wants her to stay close to home. While I am applying to Arizona State, I am also applying to schools in California and on the East Coast, and UDub. There are a few programs that my guidance counselor wants me to apply for as they have scholarships that I'm eligible for. Even with help from my dad, mom, and my generous new step-dad, I'd rather not be drowning in loans.

"Dartmouth?" Anj asks, holding up a pamphlet.

"I'm not sure….Emmett suggested that one."

"Oh." She nods in understanding. "Have you heard from his brother?"

I shake my head. "No, but Em and I chat once in a while still."

"Where's he at?"

"NYU, with his girlfriend."

"Is that where Edward is going next year?"

"No idea." I shrug, but she knows me too well. It bothers me that he hasn't contacted me at all.

We're interrupted by my mom calling up the stairs excitedly for me. "You got a package, sweetie." She knocks and doesn't hesitate before opening my door.

"More presents?"

She shrugs and tosses the large box on the bed. "I'm going to get dressed for dinner. You girls will be ready soon?"

"Yeah, Mom, thanks."

"I thought your dad sent this camera?" Anj asks as soon as my mom has left my room. My mom had insisted on opening presents before school this morning, too excited to keep secrets all day long. She and my dad planned ahead and he sent me a digital camera, while she bought a new scrapbook and credit at a photo site online so that I could "commemorate my senior year properly".

"He did." I pick up the box to look at the return address but there is none. "It _is_ from Washington, though," I say pointing to the post office stamp.

Inside the box is an envelope on top of multiple layers of tissue paper. My curiosity gets the better of me and I manage to tear open the letter first. My movements are so quick that I get a tiny paper cut on my right pinky, and I suck on it for a moment while shaking out the letter with my other hand.

_Bella,_

_The dress is from Alice; she insists that you wear it to your birthday dinner. The other present is from Edward. I know he intended for you to have it._

_Check out your car for your present from me and Rose._

_Happy 18th Birthday, Little One._

_-Emmett_

I open the tissue paper very carefully. Inside is a sleeveless deep green taffeta dress with black velvet flowers along the skirt. It's gorgeous. Beneath that is a black sweater. Though it's still too warm in Phoenix to wear the sweater, the fact that Alice remembered me is wonderful. I try not to let the fact that there is only a message from Em bother me.

Beneath the clothes, there is a CD case with no cover. There are no words written on the CD, but I know that this one is from Edward. I place it gently on my dresser to play it later when I'm by myself.

"Wow," Anj says. "Maybe I'm underdressed for dinner?" She points to her white button down shirt and what I know are her nicest jeans.

"No. It's fine. We're going to that new Italian place….I'm just gonna wear this." I wave a hand over my peasant blouse and jeans.

"No. Alice wanted you to wear this. She must have her reasons."

I roll my eyes but oblige both Alice and Anjalee. I carefully change into the beautiful dress, thankful that my paper cut has stopped bleeding so I don't get any blood on it.

"So," Anjalee says after complimenting me on my new outfit. "Why is the package from Washington if he's in New York?"

Good question. One I hadn't thought about. "Maybe he's home for break?"

"At the beginning of the school year?"

"Maybe he's starting late…what with everything going on with his family right now?"

Anj taps her chin and thinks about my answer. In the end, we shrug it off but I ponder all the mystery surrounding the family I spent an entire summer with. The mystery heightens when I find a brand new stereo installed in my car, a stereo that likely cost more than what my old Honda is currently worth. How the heck did Emmett and Rose get that installed without me knowing?

Later, much later, after dinner and cake and a couple more 'surprise' presents from my mom, I take out the CD from Edward. I place it carefully into my CD player, wishing that there was a note from him, wishing for some acknowledgement when I know that there may be none. For all I know, he doesn't even know that Emmett has sent the package. He may not even know it's my birthday, much less my eighteenth. I'm officially an adult now but I feel anything but.

I glance out of my window as the first notes of the song begin to play. The moon is just a sliver tonight and I wonder if it's visible in Forks as well, or if the constant cloud cover has made its nightly appearance over there. Is he staring at the same moon as me? Does he think about me like I think about him?

From those first notes, light and soft on the piano keys, I know. It's a bittersweet sound that will turn slightly tempestuous but still soothing nonetheless. It sounds like the light drumming of raindrops, like the quick and slow beats of my heart. There is a definite crescendo and decrescendo as the melody reaches its breaking point. I may be reading too much into it. It's only a lullaby, after all. But, it's_ Edward's_ lullaby, the one he hummed for me a month ago, the night we spent together. Then, like now, it reassures me; I'm not the only one missing someone tonight.

-o0o-

Several weeks later I receive a belated birthday email from Alice. She apologizes over and over, including an apology for taking Edward away from me that morning. It's ridiculous; she can't take away what was never mine. Then she demands photos of me in the dress. This makes me smile so I comply.

After much back and forth, she hints around the fact that Edward came with her to meet some friends. The more information she tells me, the more confused I become.

"You know I'm adopted, right?" she says, when we finally manage to connect via phone instead a week or so after that. It's a rare rainy day in Phoenix and I'm doodling on one of the rough drafts for a college admission essay.

"No, I didn't."

"Edward never told you?"

"I don't talk to Edward," I start to say, then correct myself. "Or, Edward doesn't talk to me." A fact I'm sure that she knows.

"All three of us are."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Anyway, I've always wondered about my past and I, well, I met someone who knew about me."

"Yeah?" I've moved on from doodling to filing my nails. The black nail polish I've chosen sits next to my essays; it's fitting for the season, but I just like the color.

"Yeah. So Edward came with me to….well, to find out more information."

"What about Jasper?"

"It's…it's complicated."

"I think I can keep up."

She's silent, of course.

"I mean, I'm a good listener, if you need to talk about it," I amend. I don't want to push her too much, but damn these Cullens love to keep their secrets. I'm at arms' length away, but I'm not at the same time.

"Jasper and I are taking a break for now," she finally admits.

"But I thought…I thought that he's a part of your family." I found out over the summer that the Cullens weren't fully accepted in Forks, at least by the other kids our age. Most of the rumors surrounded the fact that Rose and Jasper are foster kids in the same household as the Cullens, but Rose and Em are a couple as well as Jasper and Alice.

"He is. He always will be."

"But?"

"But he didn't agree with me leaving with James and his…friends. And though he traveled to Biloxi with me and Edward….I think that there was some resentment there."

"So he broke up with you?" I say quietly, not wanting to hurt her even more.

"You can't break up with your soul mate." Alice's voice is strong, firm, certain. "He needed some time to think things through and….and he was starting at Baylor anyway…."

"So Edward joined you," I finish for her.

"Yeah," she hesitates. "Edward is good at reading people."

_Edward is good at reading people._ Her words echo in my ears for days. Could he read me so easily that night we spent together, the only night I saw him this past summer? He's back in Forks with Alice, starting their senior year together while their other siblings/foster siblings/semi-ex-boyfriend are starting their first years at college. He does not send me a message. No phone call. No text. No letter. Just a CD filled with haunting beautiful music that he may not even know I have.

I wish I could read _his _mind.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** There are some ties to canon in this chapter. Also, the dress is from the film version of _New Moon_.


	5. Chapter 5: ONLY YOU

**Chapter Five: ONLY YOU**

The week of Valentine's Day gives me some hope that I might hear from Edward, as naïve as the thought may be. While we shared some fun conversation that one night in the summer, and_ technically_ he's the only boy I've spent the night with, as platonic as it was, I haven't heard from him since his abrupt departure that morning. I mean, it's been _six_ months, why would an over-commercialized holiday make a difference?

Still, two days before Valentine's Day, I receive a package in the mail. No return address, and the post office stamp is blurred so I'm uncertain from where it was sent. After I tear open the packaging tape with my hands, too excited to look for an Xacto knife, I can smell the sweet, powdery scent. Conversation hearts for the second year in a row. But from whom?

This year the candies are encased in a clear, plastic heart-shaped container, and every single one of the hearts is purple. My favorite flavor. I shake out the tissue paper in the box, but, just as I suspected, there is no note. My valentine is a mystery, once again. Regardless, I pour out all of the hearts and one by one read each message before placing it back in the container. _ME + YOU. KISS ME. FAX ME. _ Now that's an oldie, but goodie. _BE MINE. TEXT ME. ONLY YOU._ Not a single one is mis-stamped.

-o0o-

"You think this looks okay?" Anjalee asks me as she studies herself in the long mirror.

"Yes," I say for the third time. "You look beautiful, Anj."

"You don't think it's too cheesy?" She waves her hands up and down at her outfit. She's wearing a dark red sweater and jeans.

"No. It's Valentine's Day."

"That's my point! Everyone was wearing red or pink at school today." She makes a face.

"Not everyone." I gesture to myself as an example. "Besides, didn't Ben say he likes that color on you?"

"Yes."

"Well, then…."

"Okay. I'll stop fussing." She turns towards me and looks at my outfit more closely. "Don't you want to change too?"

"No. I'm fine."

"Bella, you have hot chocolate on your shirt." She points directly to where I spilled my drink earlier in the day.

"Good thing it's flannel then." I turn around to look at my jeans in the mirror. "And my jeans didn't get any. Besides…it's not a _real_ date, anyway."

"Shhh, my mom might hear you." Anjalee and I are getting ready to go to the movies with a group of friends. In reality, it's more like a double date, but she's not allowed to date yet. Despite the fact that she's eighteen. Despite the fact that she'll be moving out of her parents' house in a few short months. Regardless, she respects their wishes, somewhat. Instead of a date, we are meeting some friends for a friendly, platonic outing. Which happens to be on Valentine's Day.

Anjalee glances over at my outfit once more. "I guess your boobs do look good in that top, anyway."

"Anj!" I swat at her, laughing. And, of course, I blush. Unlike my usual flannels, this shirt is cut more feminine-like and shows a bit more than I usually do. It's also one of my more comfortable shirts, which I insist on telling myself.

"What? If you don't want to show that much, why don't you wear that shirt from your mystery valentine?"

I roll my eyes at her. "It's too expensive. And nice. I wouldn't want Ravi or Ben to get the wrong idea…" In actuality, I'm waiting because I don't think that the fancy, dark blue draped blouse is meant for me. The day _before_ Valentine's Day, I received mystery package number two. Yes, it had my name on it. But, while it was not from any crazy designer type of place, it _was_ from a pricey boutique clothing store.

In the end, Anj helps me clean off the hot chocolate from my flannel, which we blowdry so it dries more quickly. We add a bit of mascara and lip gloss to me and we're ready for our kind-of-sort-of-not-really first dates.

-o0o-

"So do you think he'll ask her out?" Ravi asks me as we look toward Ben and Anj at the other end of the restaurant. They are both seemingly interested in the saltwater aquarium located there.

I smile. I knew he knew what was up. "I don't think she'll say yes."

"Why not? She's obviously into him."

"I mean," I clarify. "I don't think she'd say yes because of her family."

Ravi nods his head in understanding. He is, after all, Indian as well and likely understands that this double date-group date thing is somewhat of a ruse. I'm positive that Anj's mom believes she's pining over Ravi instead of Ben.

"Well, we'll just have to have more group outings then, right?" He smiles and for one second I contemplate whether or not he thinks _I'm_ interested in him or is hoping for something more. Then he shrugs it all off and mumbles, "BFF duties and all that."

I laugh at his girlish term for their friendship.

It isn't until we are walking from the parking lot to the movie theater that I get it. Anjalee's master plan, that is. She and Ben are holding hands and are a few feet ahead of me and Ravi when she suddenly lets go of Ben and breaks into a run towards the theater entrance.

I'm confused until I realize whom she is running _towards._ Even though they have never met in person, she wraps her arms around _my_ other BFF, Alice.

I can hear Alice's squeal of excitement and look beyond her to the theater wall where her brother is leaning against, one leg bent at the knee, his smile a mixture of happiness and something I can't define.

Alice releases Anj then throws her arms around me instead as I approach. "Hey, Bella," she says in only a slightly lower pitched voice than her squeal.

"Alice," I try to act nonchalant and formal but a wide grin breaks free instead. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Well," she drawls, pausing to look back at Edward who hasn't moved from his spot. "You didn't think we'd miss your 'first date', did you?" She makes quotation marks with her fingers to emphasize her point. I hate that.

"Why would you ca—" I swallow my last word, not wanting to be rude. Besides, it's been so long since I've seen any of the Cullens and I'm distracted by Edward slowly putting down his foot that was against the wall and gracefully stalking—yes, _stalking,_ over to our group. He looks like a mountain lion, stalking his prey. I shake my head form such absurd and clichéd thoughts and reach my hand out to shake his. "Edward."

He shakes his head at my outstretched hand and envelopes me in a hug, just like his sister did. "Hello," is all he says into my hair.

He's cold, just like Alice. They must have been waiting a long time for us.

"Surprise!" Alice squeals beside me. I have no idea why they're in Phoenix for the weekend—_Phoenix_ of all places—and I'm not sure I'm buying into the 'visiting colleges' line that Alice is telling us after introductions are made. After all, didn't I meet Edward and Emmett after they already visited colleges here a year and a half ago? And I know Alice is planning on going to school in New York or possibly Texas, depending on whether Jasper transfers.

We buy tickets for our movie, and wouldn't you know it? Alice maneuvers things so that I'm sitting between her and her brother. Anjalee is on her other side, then Ben, then Ravi.

"Can I get you something from the concession stand?" Edward leans over and asks almost as soon as we're seated.

"I'm okay, thank you," I say promptly. I know how expensive the food can be. Besides, I have a tub of licorice tucked into my bag—not the tasteless kind they sell at the theater, but the yummy Australian kind from Trader Joe's. Though, now that Edward has joined us, I don't know how comfortable I am picking my teeth in front of him.

"A large tub of popcorn, extra butter, and a coke for me," Alice responds.

"Are you sure, Bella?" Edward asks me again.

"Maybe just some water?"

He nods with a smile. After he leaves with the other boys, Alice turns to lean across the armrest and whispers so low that I can hardly hear her. "Wanna know why we're really here?" Before I can answer, she continues, "Edward wouldn't stop sulking after I told him you were going on a date."

"But—"

"Yes, _I _know it's not a real date, but he doesn't. And it doesn't matter."

I stare at her in confusion, shock, maybe a bit of hope. Edward has feelings for me? Or something? _Edward_, who avoided me all last summer, up until that one night before he took off abruptly. It just doesn't fit. "Alice, why are you telling me this?"

"Because he never will," she says simply, then turns to chat to Anjalee on her other side.

Edward returns a few minutes later and we settle in our seats just as the lights are dimming. Alice insists on sharing her popcorn and promptly lifts the armrest between me and Edward "so he can reach too" since she insists on holding onto the tub. I don't mind even though Edward's proximity gives me the chills, in the best possible way.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Bella," he whispers as the previews start.

Happy Valentine's Day, indeed.


	6. Chapter 6: KISS ME

**A/N:  
><strong>I'm so sorry for the delay between chapters. Most of this chapter was written a very long time ago. There will be 3-4 chapters more in this story.

**Recap: **Edward saves Bella from a trainwreck in the summer before her junior year. Bella never moves to Forks, but she slowly becomes acquainted with the Cullens except for Edward. For two years in a row, Bella receives a mystery Valentine which includes conversation hearts stamped with 'BE' on them. Edward and Alice join Bella and her friend Anjalee on a group date on Valentine's Day.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6: KISS ME<strong>

_Dear Edward_, I write on a small piece of scrap paper I'd torn out from my notebook during Economics, as if what I was writing wasn't important. _I did it. I sent in my deposit for Emerson. I'm nervous about moving across the country, but I did what you said. I decided to follow my heart._

_Dear Bella,_

_I'm proud of you. Am I allowed to disclose that? I won't be far away if you should need anything as I enrolled at Dartmouth for the fall. I am following my heart as well._

_Yours,_

_Edward_

-o0o-

The months pass. Edward returns to Washington and I finish my senior year. The only difference is that he keeps in touch with me now. In letters. Actual handwritten letters that arrive sporadically with the mail, sometimes two at a time if one gets lost within the U.S. postal system, sometimes only one every few months. I keep all of them tucked inside a nondescript notebook that I make sure to pack with me when I leave for college.

My first few snowstorms in Boston are mild, which is a relief since I'm used to the Arizona heat. Still I am fully bundled up in my puffy coat and sitting as close to the fire in the café as possible. My small dorm room was stifling me and I had to get out of there.

I've just settled in to study—after reading through my email and searching through my iPod for the perfect playlist—when someone pulls out the chair across from me.

It's Edward, inexplicably knowing exactly where I am. He gestures towards the chair before tucking his mittenless hands back into his gray peacoat. "May I?" I'm still stuck on the fact that he's here that I don't answer for probably too long a moment to be polite.

"Yes. Edward! How did—"

"You said you liked to study here. When I went by your dorm room and there was no answer, I took my chances," he explains before I can finish my question.

I smile. "So you can come down in bad weather, but not good?" I tease him. We'd had plans to hike along Walden Pond a month or so ago, a perfect sunny, though crisp, fall day. Bright red and yellow-green foliage everywhere. Though he wouldn't have known, as he never made it down.

"I'm sorry I couldn't make it—"

"I know. I wasn't looking for another apology, Edward. Just teasing you."

And it's true; I'm not looking for an apology. I have come to understand through the years that Edward has his reasons for everything. Though, it may have taken a long conversation with Anj, still in Phoenix, to help me come to that conclusion. And, this time, he called me to tell me that he couldn't make it. And, this time, he also continued to write to me.

"The weather is too bad to drive back right now," he says with a laugh, which I assume is because it's only lightly snowing. Surely he could drive back in that.

"Depends on your car," I counter.

"Yes, I suppose so." He shrugs his shoulders. I love his formal diction, even when a simple "yeah" would suffice.

I peer out the window pointedly, where only soft flurries are falling to the ground. Still, pedestrians are walking quickly through the Commons, heads down to avoid snow falling in their eyes. _Who am I to argue?_ I'm a short walk from home.

"Wait. Drive _back_?" Why is he here in the first place? Without telling me that he's coming, not that he's obligated to. This boy…this boy is giving me whiplash, making my stomach churn, my head spin in fluttery awful, exciting confusion. "Why are you here in Boston in the first place?"

"To see you, Bella" he smiles and carefully takes off his peacoat, shaking stray snowflakes down to the ground. "Would you like something else to drink?" He gestures to my empty mug, light brown foam nestled along its bottom.

Several hours and one cup of hot chocolate and one mint tea plus two shared scones later, my textbook is still cracked open and ignored. I've peeled off my puffy jacket, warm from the drinks and the company.

Edward stands near the fire, presumably warming his hands before his departure, before he saunters back to me, placing one of his hands partially on mine. Fire warm and sparks.

"Could you…would you like to come visit me in New Hampshire?"

"I'd like that."

"This weekend, perhaps?"

"Oh…um…I can't…I have…a date." The date is really with my _boyfriend_ but I omit that part. His eyes drop and he looks crestfallen and I'm uncertain why. Surely he has a girlfriend.

"Some other time then," he murmurs.

"I'm sorry…it's just that I have these tickets to see _Romeo and Juliet_…" I trail off and I _think_ I hear him say "_another_ date" before I continue. "It's a student production. Modern. Supposed to be good."

"Modern?" he asks, a smile returning to his pale face. "So perhaps you'll compare it to Baz Luhrmann's version?" Of course he'd reference the director and not the actor who was catapulted into the limelight after the film released.

"Yeah. I don't know too much else about it because they've kept the details on the downlow."

"Hmm."

In truth, I'd had to work hard to convince Gavin to go to the theater with me. I had to agree to go dancing with him at one of the few underage clubs in Boston. I still don't have a fake ID, ever the cop's daughter. And dance? I don't dance. For good reason, too.

"Some other time?" I repeat his words.

"Yes. Maybe when Alice is visiting. I'm certain she'd love to see you again."

I frown. Did _he_ want to see me again? This impromptu café meeting is the longest I'd been in his presence alone while awake; we'd been hiding out from the outside world for the better part of the day.

He looks out the window, just as he did earlier. Now the snowflakes are coming down slightly heavier, leaving a blanket of white in their wake. The asphalt is wet, melting snow slushing around cars' tires.

"I should head back," he says suddenly and I'm disappointed.

"Okay."

He stands up, leaving a few crumpled bills on the table. He turns slowly towards the door as he shoves both of his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. In that moment, he looks younger to me than any previous time I've seen him, even though in actuality he looks as though he hasn't aged a day. He turns back just as slowly, not bothering to push away the lock of hair that has fallen slightly over one of his eyes. His hands are still solidly in his pockets.

"Umm…I think about you," he says quietly, uncharacteristically at a loss for words. Or, at least at a loss for polished words. He sounds so _vulnerable_, so unlike himself that I question if I've heard him correctly. "Every day since…the accident."

I frown slightly. I still have problems boarding a train, or even riding the T. "Maybe even before then," he continues.

"But," I pause. "You didn't even know me then." I'm confused. I stand up and place my hand on his arm so he doesn't just disappear.

"I know." He laughs but it sounds hollow.

"I…I think about you too," I venture. And it's the truth. I've thought about him every single day since the accident. We're alike in that manner, but so different in others. Still, this is the most open he has been with me. Whereas his family has always seemed familiar to me, somehow he's always been just out of reach. Yet, he has been there all along.

"I should go." He gestured towards the door again. "But, I'd like to try something first."

He leans closer towards me and I…I stop breathing.

"Be very still," he says. And then, just like that, he is kissing me. _Edward Cullen_ is kissing me. His lips are warm and soft. Okay that's a lie. His lips are slightly cool but not cold, yet still surprisingly cool considering how close we are to the fireplace. But the heat of the kiss—the _heat_ of the kiss makes up for the temperature. His fingertips are also cool as they skim my face, my neck, my collarbone to land in my hair lightly massaging my scalp in smooth even strokes.

_My_ fingers, on the other hand, well, they're gripping his hair, and not gently. He keeps us a modest distance apart but I can still feel him near me. His lips are soft and so, so sweet, and though there is no tongue involved, his kisses are anything but chaste.

One, two, three on my lower lip, just enough to make my upper lips jealous, then he adds one last one to the corner of my mouth before pulling away slightly. Inexplicably, I feel colder as he pulls away even though his body temperature is cooler than mine. He rests his forehead against mine, his amber colored eyes so close to my own. He is still near enough that I can sense his facial muscles twitch up in a smile.

"There," he says with finality, then turns towards the door to leave. "Goodbye, Bella."

It isn't until the door closes behind him, bringing a gust of wind into the warm café, that I realize that I hadn't thought about my boyfriend at all during that kiss. Not once.


End file.
